Wednesday, August 20, 2008

The Amerivore's 10

My wife the food blogger just completed a cute quiz called "The Ominivore's 100." It's a checklist of 100 required, exotic, disgusting or possibly dangerous comestibles that might have passed foodies' lips - everything from fugu, crocodile and rattlesnake to PB&J, which probably seems grotty to the Brit who made up the list.

Okay, put your flag lapel pin on your bulging tummy. Here's my list, the Amerivore's 10, the food checklist to prove you're a genuine red-white-and blue patriot with Dick Cheney autographed bypasses. Count up which of the following culinary experiences you've had and see how you scored. Git 'er done.

1. Have you been through a drive-through? Extra point for doing it in a pickup. Extra extra point for throwing the wrappers and cups in the back.
2. Have you been to a TGIFriday's, Applebee's, Chili's, Romano's Macaroni Grill, Red Lobster, Ruby Tuesday's, Bennigan's or an O'Not-This-Again's? Extra points for the last two, since one went out of business and I made up the other.
3. Have you eaten a deep-fried onion flower? The whole thing? Extra point.
4. Endless Pasta Bowl? Extra point for each refill.
5. Popcorn shrimp? Did they taste better than knots in sneaker laces? Extra point.
6. KFC Mashed Potato Bowl?
7. Buffalo wings without the bones or in any flavor other than Buffalo?
8. Sbarro's pizza? Two extra points for any more than one slice, and a bonus point if you know how to pronounce it.
9. Hummos Pit-za, or any other Rachael Ray Yum-O Family Friendly Snack? (Probably healthy, but really, "Pit-za," "Rachael Ray" or "Yum-O"?)
10. Boiled peanuts?

Just threw that last one in for old-timey cracker fun. For new-timey cracker fun, try Kraft Macaroni and Cheese Crackers.

Now add up your score. If you scored three or less, you are voting for Barack Obama. If you scored between three and eight, you are voting for John McCain. More than eight, and you'll probably die before the election.


Anita (Married... with dinner) said...

I thought I was in trouble, but I skated in at 3, barely staying in Yes We Can territory. (Unless the locations in #2 have to be counted separately, in which case my Orange County upbringing will have succeeded in dragging me down to the depths, appropriately enough.)

I will not mention that you omitted Cracker Barrel, Home Town Buffet, and Friendly's, which are probably better indicators than any of the uppity establishments you list.

Zoomie said...

Interesting measure of political leanings... you better patent this one before someone else does!

Chilebrown said...

I got 15 points until I hit number eight. I am going to jumpstart the pickup and throw a couple of more KFC wrappers out the back. Ms. Goofy and I are going to the MALL and going to Sbarro. (The correct pronunciation is "Sure borrow" In a sentence: Sure you can borrow my donkey!). I hope to take Ms. Goofy on the way home for extra points.
My total might be 20 points. I do not want to die before either candidate!!!

Lulu Barbarian said...

Nice political twist on the food-list meme. I got an 8, which probably predicts me pretty accurately, even though I haven't totally decided which candidate I'm voting against!

kudzu said...

What do you mean, "done it in a pickup"? Oh, wait -- I see what you mean.

Color me a winner because if I haven't eaten some of those all-Amurrican treats I have eaten my weight in boiled peanuts many times over. (Not that I would try to eat that much now.)